Bivouac

This week I had a prolonged discussion with my employer about my future, both in the company and personally, and it has become clear to me (and now, my employer) that I, for all intents and purposes, will not be staying for much longer. In my desire to pursue publishing and writing as a career path, and with no immediate financial burdens, the time seems ripe for me to take this avenue, especially since that is where my heart is at in terms of my career future. But that is not the only reason…

It bears mentioning that last week, I asked the Lord for some signs to indicate to me that this is the right thing to do, that is, if I should move forward. Well, all three specific signs were shown to me, in black and white, in that it is the right thing and the right time to move forward. I know many frown upon the “Gideon” approach to asking for God’s direction, but it seems to work for me (especially since the Lord gave me signs prior to saving me!). So, I am concluding that by choosing to return to school and concurrently work on my writing projects with the intent to publish, as well as getting back on track with my church commitments, I will serve the Lord much better than in my current state of affairs. Speaking of which, it has become painfully clear to me that I have been compromising on my commitments to my church, Heather Chapel, and I am grieved at what has happened to me over the last few months. Several people have made comments that my commitment level and administrative promises have left much to be desired, as compared to the time I was unemployed (in a secular sense) and able to do so much for the church. I am in total agreement.

From a human standpoint, I have been advised in two different ways: one camp saying that I should not quit my job, and the other equally populated camp telling me to not put off things until tomorrow and to have faith in the Lord’s provision. So, no matter what decision I make, everyone is going to have an opinion, punctuated with either admonishing or encouraging. But what matters most to me is whether I am being a faithful servant to Jesus Christ, to the church, and being fully commited in my desire to serve others, and I honestly have to say that, at this moment in time, I am unable to serve in the way that I could.

I am constantly reminded of the story of those Jesus asked to follow Him, and they provided all manner of excuses. I think I need to stop making excuses. I don’t hate my current circumstances, but I hate what I am becoming because of my current circumstances. I cannot serve the Lord to my utmost where I am at right now, and I believe that is what the Lord wanted me to realize when he provided this temporary encampment that I am residing in at the moment. I prayed (and many others did too!) that I would find work, and then the work was provided. Remember, God answers prayer, in His time, and in His way. By giving me my current job, He has shown me how easy it is to get entreched with the world’s way of thinking, and it is a lesson I have now learned with an exclamation point. I realize now that I can only serve Him if I am wholly devoted to Him, in all areas of my life. I am ready, more than ever, to move forward…