Yes, I haven’t published in a while. Life happens…
Anyhow, it’s been a roller-coaster of sorts over the last few months for me. Without going into gory and obtuse detail, I will relay the moral of all the following examples, and that is that I cannot control what other people say or think about me, only how I react to them.
It’s funny (and sad) how misunderstandings have been permeating my interactions with others lately, resulting in reactionary measures implemented without apology, forgiveness or even an opportunity to explain myself. I hesitate to even declare any sort of defense of my supposed intentions, ignorance, and inconsistencies at the risk of making my rationalizations seem like excuses. So much for seeking out the truth in matters.
Nevertheless, things have been looking up. The Lord has disciplined me and taught me that I need to just move forward and not make it look like I’m dragging my feet. Do I need to speak up more so people understand me? Perhaps. So I will re-iterate one example of how I have been misconstrued by more than a few people, primarily because I haven’t been “speaking up”.
It is discouraging to hear that there is a perception by more than just a few people that I am “doing nothing for my future”. I have listened to some of the rationale behind people being “concerned”, which is appreciated, but there are reasons why I am at where I am at this moment in time. Allow me to clarify my personal situation and position on this matter:
For the record, I have been very occupied with all sorts of work as of late. Sure, most of it gives me little or no income, but it is work nonetheless and I find it intriguing (not offensive) that most of us equate work with income. I personally do not; I know of many who work much and earn little, and, sadly, work little and earn much. Biblically speaking, we are to work hard to make a living, and over the last few years the Lord has provided me with what I need to make a living, as I have been doing His work. This is not an excuse for not “looking for work”, it is a reality which exists right now in my life as a consequence of a variety of circumstances. Eventually, at some point in time in the future, as my schooling and home situation comes into play, there will be a need for me to establish some sort of income. Right now, I don’t feel the Lord leading me to do so in the next few months, and have had clear direction from Him to assess and organize various other priorities in my life before He opens the door for income-based work. For now, my needs are being met in terms of making a living, and my current work priorities and schooling keep me occupied for the time being. The future is unknown and I will not boast about it, and my plans can be modified according to any new avenues the Lord provides. But, for now, my hands are full.
In relation to this, I have been approached and often questioned about being able to provide for a future spouse in light of my current life, and that I should at least find a income-based job for that reason. Allow me to reiterate: I am not seeking marriage with anyone at this time or in the near future. The masses seem to be under the impression that I am “alone” or “lonely”, or that “no one will be attracted to me if I don’t have a job.” Please, with all due respect, understand my position. I am following Paul’s (re: God’s) directive to remain single since I am not married, and I am not “burning with passion” as some have suggested. The desire of my heart right now is to remain single, not to “settle down”, not at this moment in time. Perhaps the Lord will reveal to me somewhere down the road that it is better for me to be married than single, but I have absolutely no desire to be married right now. I am quite bothered by insinuations or “joking around” of “romantic intent” whenever I mention or am seen with any member of the fairer gender. In several instances this “jesting” has mutated into “gossip” about me and the other party, which in turn has ruined several good friendships I have had with people, including a number of female friends. Please be aware of the dangers of “hinting” things, not just because I am mentioning it here, but because it leads to unbiblical chatter, which consequently endangers healthy fellowship amongst brothers and sisters in Christ.
Ok, well, I’ve spoken up on the matter of “my future” in terms of work and marriage. I apologize if this “reaction” is a bit strong, but I felt the need to clarify my position on this particular matter. I could go on with other “future” matters, but then I’ll run out of things to put in my weblog… 😉
In any case, I appreciate the concern and prayers people have showed me over the last little while, as well as any counsel you have given. I have no issues with anyone personally (not at the moment anyhow!), but I am not hard to reach if there is some concern about me about any matter. Best to go to the source than to speculate…